Today we have a resource on helping kids manage big feelings. We have a lot of content on The OT Toolbox related to regulation, emotions, self regulation strategies, emotional regulation and behavioral regulation.
This is actually a post from our email newsletter Lunch & Learn series. If you are not already a newsletter subscriber, be sure to do that.
How to help kids manage big feelings
hildren experience strong emotions every day, but they do not always have the skills to understand or manage those feelings on their own. Helping kids navigate big feelings means teaching them how to recognize emotions, understand what their body is telling them, and learn strategies to respond in safe and productive ways. Whether a child is feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, excited, or anxious, these moments are opportunities for learning and growth.
When parents, teachers, and therapists provide support and guidance, children can begin to build the emotional awareness and regulation skills they need to handle challenging situations at home, in school, and with peers.
We work with kids in homes, classrooms, the community and can sometimes see big emotions during the day to day tasks. For kids navigating social situations with peers, this might mean breakdowns that impact participation and learning.
I wanted to bring you some ideas and resources to support kids in these opportunities for teaching social emotional skills.
The interesting thing about running The OT Toolbox is that we get a lot of questions from parents and caregivers needing support ideas…and we get similar questions from therapy providers on how to support kids and parents!
Understanding Big Feelings Through the Nervous System
When children experience big emotions, it can help to look beyond behavior and consider what is happening in the nervous system. Emotions are closely connected to how the body detects safety or threat in the environment. One framework that helps explain this is Polyvagal Theory, developed by neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges. This perspective helps caregivers understand that children’s reactions are often reflections of their physiological state rather than intentional misbehavior.
From this viewpoint, a child’s nervous system is constantly scanning the environment for cues of safety or danger. When the body senses safety, children are more likely to feel calm, curious, and connected to the people around them. In this state, they are able to explore, learn new skills, and participate in daily activities. This is the state where growth, learning, and emotional regulation develop most effectively.
However, when the nervous system detects a signal of danger, the body may move into a fight-or-flight response. The heart rate increases, breathing becomes faster, and the body prepares to protect itself. In this state, children may appear restless, argumentative, impulsive, or emotionally reactive. They may have difficulty listening, thinking clearly, or solving problems because their nervous system is focused on safety rather than learning.
There is also a third possible response. When a child feels overwhelmed and the nervous system cannot resolve the threat through action, the body may shift into a shutdown state. In this state, children may appear withdrawn, quiet, or emotionally disconnected. Some children become limp, avoid interaction, or seem to “zone out.” This response is not defiance or stubbornness—it is the nervous system trying to protect itself by conserving energy.
These physiological states are not rigid categories. Instead, they exist along a continuum. A child might show subtle signs of nervous system activation, such as muscle tension, irritability, or increased sensitivity to touch or sound. Learning to notice these cues helps adults understand when a child may be moving out of a regulated state.
Why Regulation Comes Before Problem Solving
When children are in a heightened fight-or-flight state, the parts of the brain responsible for reasoning, planning, and learning do not work as efficiently. The brain’s survival systems take priority. This means that teaching, correcting behavior, or expecting logical thinking may not be effective in the moment.
For children to learn how to manage emotions, their nervous system must first feel safe. When the body is calm enough to move out of survival mode, higher brain regions involved in thinking, sensory processing, and emotional understanding can function more effectively. This is why helping children regulate their nervous system is often the first step in supporting emotional development.
The Role of Co-Regulation
Children do not learn to regulate emotions entirely on their own. They develop these skills through co-regulation with supportive adults. Co-regulation occurs when a calm adult helps a child move from a heightened emotional state back toward a regulated state.
This may involve using a soothing voice, offering predictable routines, providing physical comfort, or creating a calm environment. Through repeated experiences of being supported during emotional moments, children begin to internalize these strategies and gradually develop their own self-regulation skills.
Building Modulation Skills Through Meaningful Participation
One of the most effective ways to support emotional regulation is through meaningful daily activities. Participating in routines such as play, movement, creative activities, and everyday tasks provides opportunities for children to practice managing their emotions in real contexts.
Activities that involve movement, sensory exploration, and social interaction help children learn how their bodies respond to different situations. Over time, these experiences support the development of modulation skills, which allow children to adjust their emotional and physiological responses to meet the demands of a task.
Rather than focusing only on behavior, this approach emphasizes helping the child’s nervous system feel safe enough to engage, explore, and learn.
How Neuroplasticity Supports Emotional Growth
The brain has the remarkable ability to change and adapt through experience, a process known as neuroplasticity. Each time a child successfully moves from a state of overwhelm back toward calm with the help of a supportive adult, new neural pathways are strengthened.
These repeated experiences gradually build the brain’s capacity for emotional resilience. Over time, children become better able to recognize their own feelings, regulate their responses, and navigate big emotions with increasing independence.
Helping kids navigate big feelings is not about eliminating emotions. It is about supporting the nervous system so children can experience emotions safely, understand them, and learn how to move through them in healthy ways.
Here are four common questions we hear from parents, teachers, and therapists, and answers that incorporate Social Emotional Learning (SEL) principles:
Q1: What do I do when a toddler grabs a toy from a sibling and says, “It’s mine!”, even if they weren’t playing with it?
SEL Response:
This is a teachable moment! Narrate what’s happening in a calm tone:
“I see you wanted that toy because your brother was using it. It’s hard to wait, isn’t it?”
Help them name the emotion (jealousy, frustration) and guide them to use respectful language:
“Let’s ask your brother for a turn when he’s done. We can play with something else while we wait.”
This helps build empathy, impulse control, and communication. These are core SEL skills.
Responding to the moods of others and reaching out to others as a support system (both an aspect of co-regulation skills)
Q2: How can we manage sharing in a classroom where toys are used in groups or in close parallel play?
SEL Response:
Group settings are rich with opportunities to teach cooperation and problem-solving. Set expectations early (“We take turns,” “We use kind words”) and use visual supports when possible.
When conflicts arise, help children brainstorm:
“It looks like you both want that toy. What can we do? Take turns? Play together? Find a similar toy?”
Praise positive social interactions, reinforcing that collaboration is part of the play process. Help the child come up with ideas to problem solve the situation.
Q3: How can I help kids learn the words to use when sharing?
SEL Response:
Model simple sharing phrases and practice during play or storytime:
- “Can I have a turn when you’re done?”
- “You go first, and then I’ll go.”
- “Let’s play together!”
Role-play these situations with puppets or toys to help the language stick. When kids use these phrases, offer encouragement:
“That was such a kind way to ask!”
This supports self-expression, empathy, and emotional confidence.
Q4: How do I help kids redirect their attention while waiting for a toy?
SEL Response:
Help kids build flexible thinking and patience by giving them choices:
“You’re waiting for the truck. What else can your hands do right now? Want to build with blocks or color while you wait?”
Try using a “waiting box” (coping tools or a sensory toolbox) or visual chart of alternate activities. You can also introduce simple waiting games or set a timer. Over time, kids will learn that they can handle waiting, an essential regulation skill!
Looking for support? We’ve got resources for you!
The OT Toolbox is filled with hands-on strategies, free printables, and creative activities that support SEL every step of the way.
Blog Posts to Start With:
- Teaching Kids to Wait (this is about waiting in line but it has good tips!)
- Taking Turns Activities
- Social Emotional Learning (what is it?!)
- Emotional Development Toys and Games (add these to holiday wish lists!)
- Social Emotional Development Milestones
Top Membership Resources for Social Emotional Learning
These tools are ready to print and use, perfect for therapy sessions, classroom use, or home routines.
Members: Log in.
- Then click here for emotions resources.
- Click here for friends and peers resources.
- You can also search for these items by name using the ORANGE search bar found on the Level 2 page.
For Younger Learners (Preschool – Early Elementary):
- Emoji Emotions
- Turkey Emotions
- Color By Emotion Sets (Snowman, Winter Hat, Unicorn, Christmas, etc.)
- Emotion Matching Cards (Popsicles, Hearts, Bugs)
- I Spy Emotion Games (Pumpkins, Penguins, Santa, Elf)
- Star Feelings Poster & Journal Prompts
For Skill Building and Regulation:
- Self Regulation Bundle
- Zones of Regulation Activities (Cootie Catchers, Calm Down Toolbox Craft, Mood Monster)
- Emotional Regulation Toolbox
- Feelings Sorting Cards
- Write About Feelings Worksheets
- Emotions Play Dough Mats
- Emotions Motor Skills Wheel
For Educators and Parents:
- Emotional Intelligence Guide for Parents
- Social Emotional Skills Observation Notes
- Social Emotional Learning Activities Handout
- Exploring Books Through Play: 50 Activities Based on Books About Friendship & Empathy
Action Step:
Start small. Choose one resource or strategy above to use this week. Whether it’s modeling turn-taking language or trying a feelings check-in during transitions, every small step supports big SEL growth.
Want full access to the tools listed above?
Join The OT Toolbox Membership for instant access to hundreds of therapy tools and SEL resources.
Colleen Beck, OTR/L has been an occupational therapist since 2000, working in school-based, hand therapy, outpatient peds, EI, and SNF. Colleen created The OT Toolbox to inspire therapists, teachers, and parents with easy and fun tools to help children thrive. Read her story about going from an OT making $3/hour (after paying for kids’ childcare) to a full-time OT resource creator for millions of readers. Want to collaborate? Send an email to contact@theottoolbox.com.
